Albert Einstein once said: “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”
I can’t agree more with this amazing man as to me, we human beings give meaning to our lives by the stories we tell about them.
The stories we tell about ourselves to us and to others, not only impact us directly in the present but also have strong implications for our future life including our feelings, thoughts, intentions, and actions.
Many stories occur at the same time in our lives and quite interestingly, different stories can be told about these same events.
For example, this morning when I got up, I was in a rush to make breakfast and I burned myself while doing so.
When I was waiting for the garage door to open, I was reading an email, so I was closer than I should have been to the door and the garage door hit me on the forehead while opening up.
At the office, I found out that I had forgotten to bring in a contract that needed to be signed by a client of mine today.
I also found out that my favorite, competent, highly skilled front desk receptionist is leaving the office in two weeks.
How does that sound to you?
Can I claim that I had a “bad day”?
Now let’s have another look at my day.
Here is an alternative story I can tell about that same day:
When I got up this morning, I was cheered up by a phone call from my sister who lives far away …
She gave me the good news that my niece, a successful pharmacist, married to her college sweetheart, is happily pregnant!
After I talked to her for a while I had to hurry up in order to get to my first client at my office on time.
Quickly, I made my breakfast and brewed a perfect cup of coffee.
As I was opening the garage door, I received an email with good news on receiving an award!
At the office, I had great sessions with my clients and enjoyed a nice dinner with a couple of my friends and managed to do my sprint runs before going to bed…
How’s that for a day?
Would you say I had a “good day?”
The truth is that after all, putting together all the events in my day, I went sleep with a smile on my lips …
The ways we story our lives is very much influenced by the context of gender, class, race, culture and sexual orientation among other things.
The stories that the significant others like our parents, teachers, and friends have narrated about our lives are powerful contributors to the interpretations and meanings we give to our life events.
For instance, if it is a cultural or familial value for someone to be daring and quick to take action, and they take their time to consider their options and then take action, the may end up with a story about themselves as ‘a coward’, or ‘having no confidence or self-worth,’ or even ‘a loser!’
While, if being mindful and cautious is the dominant value, they may have stories about themselves as being ‘caring,’ or ‘thoughtful and wise.’
The problem occurs when the way people define themselves are different than the ways they are defined by the dominant discourses in their environment.
Then, these individuals will give meaning to their life based only on stories constructed out of their life events consistent with the negative labels dictated by their context.
Rather than linking all the ups and downs in their life and creating a wholesome story that also includes their successes and accomplishments, these demeaning stories told about them, lead them to link more of the unpleasant events in their lives, resulting in feelings of depression, anxiety, self-doubt, shyness and many more debilitating signs and symptoms…